my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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