im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
