if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
no more duck duck goose at the bar
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
