To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
