You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize