We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize