I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize