I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Duck Duck Cougar?
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
