It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
