how can u be prego again
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
The power of my boobs compel you
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
