I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
My vagina just recognized that song.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
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