Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
