You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
