No stitches, just platelets and will power
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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