You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
me + whiskey = a bad person
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize