Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
