is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
