i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
