halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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