Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
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