today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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