New low: just hacked my moms facebook
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
