Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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