I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
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in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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