Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
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