So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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