Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
