i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
