i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
