Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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