I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
