my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
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its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
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You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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