Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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