Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
