I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
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We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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