There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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