Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
