At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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