Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
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I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
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Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Where are you guys?
Drunk
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