Sponge bath it is.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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