Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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