Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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