if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Randomize
