I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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