we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
