And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I'm like, not good at living.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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