she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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