you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
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you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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