Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Never joke about your clitoris.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
