new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
