and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
