You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
