FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
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