What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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