I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
She just used a chaser for red wine.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
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We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
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I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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