Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Someone came in the potted fern
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
