Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
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I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
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