hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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