A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
