I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
