I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
