I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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