even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
