Dude my mom stole all your condoms
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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