Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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